I'm really stewing because of pride, aren't I? Am I supposed to be perfect now? It happens; move on. I am replaying it over and over in my mind, and the scene is growing, not abating, and I'm not resolving anything. I really should have taken them aside to talk this out just among us -- that way, we reduce the tension.One stunning thought surfaced, too:
This wallowing in shame and self-loathing is no longer who I am. That has already been put to death by Christ. By feeding these deadweights, I am reviving what amounts to an undead, a zombie. Now why would I want to do that?At that point, I smiled (really!), and I prayed in earnest: thank you, Jesus! So I nailed that event to the cross where it belongs, took up my dignity (not pride), and realized that I was indeed being silly. Pride, self-loathing and defeatism were knocking, and I don't have to let them in. I think I understood something new about faith, then. It needed some mental steps, what separates conviction from taking something for granted. I believe that Christ has already won, that I was already buried and raised with him in baptism. I believe that the Holy Spirit has been poured out upon me. I am not a slave of sin any longer, and I am alive.
Time to act like it.