Fear

My household has been somewhat plagued with bird mites for the last 3 weeks. I am ever so thankful to God that my wife and kids have been spared the worst of the little critters, but found it almost unbearable to be their human host (the birds were gone, their holes around the house boarded up) of choice. Lack of sleep, paranoia, and overall general discomfort. It was at this time (of Lent, too!) that I realized how weak my trust in God was.

Thank God for two people: my wife, and my doctor. First, my wife was incredibly patient through the tons of laundry she had to do at overdrive right after the house was sprayed with insecticide. She was also much less worried about the mites than I was, and was a source of strength. My doctor, while not an expert in bird mites, did give me good general advice in dealing with the discomforts, but moreso with the weakening faith. He shared the exegesis of his pastor (Evangelical) about Job's plight that had at its origin neither God nor Satan, but in fear. Job exclaimed somewhere in his soliloquy that his worst fears were realized in his trials.

Ecclesiastes 10:8 speaks of a hole in the hedge, whereby a serpent shall come through. Well Satan challenges Job's faithfulness by remarking to God and the hedge that He built around Job, explaining the latter's faithfulness. What hole then did Job make through the hedge? His fear of misfortune, taking away all his riches and happiness. In my case, it was already dawning on me that my confidence in God's protection was too easily shaken, whereas my wife's was rock solid. The anxiety was certainly taking its toll on me in many ways. And while the infestation is not yet over, it has died down without any help from my anxiety. Instead, it was just a matter of time. Meanwhile, I just needed to relax, sleep better, cope, and foster some hope. Not one thing about my problems would be helped by my worrying.

Why are you cast down, my soul, Why groan within me? Hope in God; I will praise him still, My savior and my God. (Psalm 42)